It's also a work in progress.

In certain parts of the developed world, people tend have a lot of contacts. Names, emails, and numbers are all connected through phones and computers. Because acquiring new contacts (digitally) is so easy, people can over do it before they realized what has happened. There comes a point where we stop treating people like people and start treating them like a plant. In order to keep them alive you have to water them, give them sun, attention, And occasionally talk to them if you're that sort of person. 

Before we get much further, I'd like to add: this isn't going to be a technology rant. I'm not going to tell you that digital communication and technology is ruining everything. I love technology. I'm writing this on an iPad, for Pete's sake. Also, all of my research on this topic is purely anecdotal, which means it's not research at all, really. 

Now back to the matter at hand. One of the most profound feats of technology is its uncanny effect of altering human behavior. It's both good and bad. In order to help illustrate my point, I'd like to quickly examine a single aspect of Facebook which fundamentally altered human behavior in a number ways. One of those being the widely popularization of the status update. They didn't invent it, they created their own version of it -- updated it. 

The idea of updating your status had existed long before Facebook and long before the Internet. It was just done using different methods. A different form of human behavior, if you will. The result was still the same. The status update used to be having a quick chat with your neighbor as you walked outside to grab the morning paper. It used to be checking in with your family as you all sat down for dinner (I'm jealous if you still do). It eventually snuck its way into the first email threads, forums, SMS messages and you know the rest. 

The status update is just one of countless examples of how communication has changed. So what does that mean for people today? How have we moved passed the status update and into the next step of real conversation? Well, with coffee and beer. But not together. You meet people in coffee shops and at happy hours, depending on the situation. You give them some attention until you can no longer stand it. Then, finally, it's your turn. You get to talk about yourself -- tell them about all the cool projects you're working on. Kudos. 

At first glance, this doesn't look so bad, right? Coffee, beer, happy hour and conversation are all good things. What I've noticed in my own life is that these conversations are increasingly becoming predictable. Predictable isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I think we can do better. Most of the time the first or second question is, "So what do you do?" Sounds pretty open-ended. You probably know that question really means, "What is your job?"

Things can get boring pretty quickly if the conversation falls into a loop. If you're on a date, work life can easily drive the conversation. Who likes to talk about their work? Sure, some people do.  But a fair amount of people don't because it's becoming more likely that their job doesn't have anything to do with their degree. This is more likely to mean their job doesn't inspire them, it pays them. 

I think we are losing the art of conversation. And yes, I'm romanticizing a bit but I don't think anyone would argue that human interaction as we know it hasn't changed in the last fifteen years. There are other parts of the world like Qatar where there are entire businesses built on people meeting and talking. They go to these establishments to "talk about everything and talk about nothing at the same time," as the saying goes. The fact that they also serve coffee is besides the point. Of course, this may sound strange to some Western parts of the world, where idling is bad and every meeting has a checklist and a time limit. 

Now, online social websites show us a lot of information about people. Because of this, we perceive to know more about people than we actually do. Their Facebook profile says they're passionate about Egyptian art so they must be rich? They tweeted about their cat so they must be lonely?

We can see and read a lot about people before we ever see their face in real life. Technology and our social behavioral norms make us quick to judge people. I suppose part of the reason why I'm a little vague with my online profiles is because it forces people to ask me questions. I think people really are social organisms and we thrive off of interaction with one another.  

If your life could be told in one conversation your first wish is that it would take longer than twenty minutes. Second, you should hope that the person on the other end isn't sleeping by the end of it or waiting for an "important phone call." Most people have a few good stories to tell and some have a lot more than that. Some stories may involve work but I bet the best stories don't.

As much as we try, humans don't work like computers. We can't just enter some keywords and recall our most interesting stories. If I asked you to tell me your top-five best stories on the spot you probably couldn't do it -- which is good because that would be kind of creepy. But if we had a conversation over thirty minutes while doing something other than sitting; I bet some of your life's stories would unfold. Things happen better when they're organic because we are not computers. 

So why is this important at all? Because technology is getting much better. Especially in the realm of digital communication. You don't have to be a marketer to realize the potential of everyone being connected everywhere, all the time. Being digitally connected is great but at some point you have to be in the same room as someone else. That's where the talking part comes in. Talking with people is a basic function, sending and receiving information. It doesn't (and shouldn't) be completely objective all the time. Some of the best conversations are really about going somewhere, metaphorically speaking. I think we should put more value in the process. 

It's not just about listening. It's about peeling your phone off your face long enough to ask the real  questions. We're all guilty of this. I'm the first to admit it. I see the flaws of others, so I know I'm flawed. In my own conversations I want to find out what makes you sweat, what makes you light up. Anything that makes you human. Sure, it may be a little off-putting to steer the conversation in this direction when you first meet someone. But only because they might be expecting a simple conversation loop, like reciting the bio on their Facebook profile. 

What I'm saying is, we're creatures of habit. It's so easy to go through the motions without really thinking about the process. I'm asking you to think about the process. Conversation doesn't always need a beginning and end. It doesn't always need takeaways or one-liners. It can just be something you do. And sometimes, it can just be whimsical.